dying...

life seem to be funny....sometimes you cant be the way you want to be..sometimes life i just something you have to live through it..you know that it wont work out somehow you want to try....the feeling inside you....unexplainable...is a feeling that will urge you to keep on trying..is pointless posting up all my journal at here...in fact i think this will be my last journal...maybe you guys think the purpose of me posting to because i need desparate attention or anything..whatever is it.....is just that my heart tells me to write it here...
sometimes im sick of life....is not the way i want them to be...the way you guys see my life is not the way i see them...you may think is perfect..well is not...im not independent..im not strong..i have to admit that....yes...i need my friends..those souls who had touch me...yes..indeed i could never think of another way to repay them...

they help me through...they thought me a new chapter of life...the true face of humans and people....your friends might seem to be closed and call you girlfriends behind you....they sneered and glare at each other when you do something stupid..yes..i have that kind of friends...im not gonna state friends...but i know...who's my true friends and where i stand...i just have to draw a line....i can only express myself to limited person....maybe when i speak i hurt someone indirectly...and if i do..im really sorry....everyone got their bad part..and mine?i hurt ppl without knowing it...yes...im truly sorry..and i didnt intend to hurt you...anyone....
i knew he didnt belong to m...i knew that he would left me one day....but i keep on denying...i live in a world where i tell lies to make myself feel better....telling myself that he still loves me didnt work..i tried my best....i gave everything i could...i guess my best wasnt enough....it was till that day..when he finally gave up..i knew the feelings that he had for me was gone long time....i gave myself hope..false hope... they said is better than nothing....well...is true...it was hope that keep me going till today....i miss him..im not going to deny it...call me stupid....but im still here..somehow hoping that he will come back...

but...somepart of me was relieve that he lefti neednt live in a world of lies anymore..im sad...at least im not lying to myself..i believe that our live is set and donewe are just here to complete what is the journey...but somehow i believe if you pray things will change..in a way..little ny little to better.....i know there's a guy for me..my perfect one.....who would love me for who i am...who would actually still love me when my face get wrinkle...one that can make me fall madly in love with him again....even though there's crush....but no one can ma ke me feel that way..and i wonder when will i meet that guy.....it takes time and i think is worth the wait....but is okay...cause i know i will always have my bestfriend with me...and i love them for being there for me...in other way they are always supporting me...thank you...without you guys i wouldnt be here..i wouldnt be what i am today....love you guys to deathh.....

maybe today will be the last day i blog...reading my craps are stupid....dont bother reading it anymore...in life there's better thing to do....if you believe in yourself...just go ahead...do not regret the next time you look back..ill never regret loving him for he had tought me something...ill always remember we used to share love together...when im old..i will never regret....cause i tried my best to save the relationship...but it was him that ruin it....i believe one day...when he see me on streets again..he will regret...i know he will...but right now...im just thanful for everything that had happen...love you guys to death...